Antonius "Ton" Bakker, born May 23, 1961, in the Netherlands, is a writer, speaker, and coach/trainer. With a passion for personal development, he has inspired audiences worldwide.

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Published in Opinion

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Published in Opinion

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Why do we still not understand each other, or is that not allowed?

Explore the complexities of human interaction and societal norms in a thought-provoking journey of self-reflection and empathy.

Do you ever have that feeling—that feeling of not being able to understand? The feeling that we, as people, should not or cannot have a common opinion or common faith.

Differences are or are being created again and again. It often seems as if there is no other way. It seems as if we, as humans, need to be separated further and further from each other. Could the resulting struggle be our true nature? Do we need this struggle to survive together? Do we really need those differences that we often talk about, and if so, why can't we just accept them from each other?

Explore the complexities of human interaction and societal norms in a thought-provoking journey of self-reflection and empathy.
Explore the complexities of human interaction and societal norms in a thought-provoking journey of self-reflection and empathy.

You're brown, and I'm white, so what? Why is it so difficult to understand that in a hot country, you get tanned from the sun? Why is it so difficult to understand that comfort is a widely supported concept? What means luxury for one person may mean abject poverty for another. Some people like to sleep in a tent because of the warmth, others need walls to protect against the cold. I think this is due to the climate differences on the earth we all love. 

And that's where we all ended up for whatever reason, I don't think anyone knows why anymore. We didn't think of that ourselves, did we? And people who think they need the walls in winter often like to sleep in a tent at the campsite in the summer. They often opt for much less comfort, often comparable to the residents of the tents in Africa. I think we often unknowingly follow the opinions of others when forming our opinions or when adopting our attitude towards something.

There are people or groups in our immediate environment that we should not or cannot lose sight of, but why? Are we so dependent on others that we no longer dare to follow our own opinions? Have we as humans become so used to hearing the statement: “that we are social beings" that we have started to behave socially?” But are we social beings? Are we the people that we believe we are? Or is this an uncritically accepted statement that we were taught at school as children? Is this why we hide our own opinions in many situations?

Have we reached the point where we think we can no longer survive if we are ourselves? That we hide our own thoughts and feelings from others, just to stay involved in the “community?” Can we no longer take care of ourselves, or is taking care of ourselves mainly about creating luxury around us, against which we then sell our freedom of expression? To be liked by all kinds of dubious people around us.

Have we completely forgotten the freedom of our will? Do you ever sit in a dark room by candlelight and muse about what you would like or be able to do in your life? Do you ever think about the limitless possibilities that this life has to offer you? Why don't you choose those paths? Suppose we humans were all antisocial. What would we choose, and would we be much more unhappy? If we didn't know that we had to be social, that we could choose to do so ourselves

 My mother always said when I was sad because I was alone again and without a relationship: “There is a lid for every pot.” If you take enough time, you will find the right partner in your life. This was not necessarily about my social behaviour, but about me as a person. Would there be as many antisocial people in this world as social people with a good love relationship? Could there be people who could love antisocial people? Do they really love them, or would they only be with these anti-socials to obtain the many benefits that these people often appropriate through their behaviour? They would just look in admiration at the profits that these people perceived to have been achieved with the behaviour that they themselves did not dare to exhibit.

Could it be that they could not actually handle the world without these people? Would they leave this relationship if they no longer receive anything because this antisocial person is boycotted by those around him? And would they then look for the next partner who would do what they themselves did not dare? Do you understand why these people place their lives completely in the hands of others and do not try to “just” live it themselves? I am like this, and you are like that!

We all need something different to survive in this world. That's fine; find the person who understands and gets you, and walk through this life together. Be in love and enjoy it, but know that others need something else. Give them space to live too. Know that people's behaviour comes from a certain direction, which is often not clear to them either. They often choose their direction in life to survive. What I think is a shame is the fact that they sometimes burden others with it.

Even if they hear that this is the case, they often continue with their harmful behaviour toward others. Often, there are other paths in life available to these people that they cannot or should not see, these are the secrets of life that every person carries with them. I once read the books about “The Celestine Promise” and “Seek and you will find.”. If you look around carefully and exhibit the behaviour that others can recognize in you, then you too will understand more and more people on this earth and deal with them better. They are understood. Good luck.

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